A Few Good Minutes with Marlowe Boettcher

Though his protruding dreadlocks are instantly recognizable, little is truly understood about Marlowe Hans Pessolano Boettcher. Derided by critics as belligerent, crude, and stuck in a time warp, yet lauded by proponents as judicious and cuddly, The Perspective gave this well-known campus personality an opportunity to speak for himself.


On self-esteem: “There are people with low self-esteem who should have low self-esteem. There are people with high self-esteem who should have low self-esteem.” Marlowe, it would seem, is quick to pass judgment.

On why he gets up every morning: “If I stayed in bed all my life I would get bed-sores.” Marlowe, above all else, is a practical man.

On The Grateful Dead: “Grateful Dead, best f***in’ band ever.” Marlowe, a self-professed hippie, does not shy away from cliché if that cliché is indeed accurate.

On sublime, conceptually: “Sublime used to be cool when I thought it was literally referring to a submarine lime. But then when I found out sublime actually had a meaning to it, I thought it was the most arrogant piece of s*** ever.” Marlowe is known for polemics.

On why some view him as abrasive: “What’s a word that means Jews that doesn’t sound racist right now?” Marlowe is famously conspiratorial, and himself one-quarter Jewish.

On his political platform, should he one day seek public office: “I will raise taxes. I will also ride around in a tank Dukakis-style. “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” will be my campaign song. But it will be changed to “Don’t Stop Thinking About Three Days From Now” because that’s how far in the future my campaigny campaign will be looking.” Marlowe has already begun assembling a team of political advisers.

On the 19th century: “Let’s say we looked at the entire epic of mankind, like the past, our years of existence, and condensed it into the 20th century. The 19th century would be the 1980s. Clearly the worst decade. We can all agree on that. And the 19th century is the worst century. Like the worst century ever. It was bull****.” Marlowe is sanguine to hyperbole.

On Star Wars: “Anyone who doesn’t like Star Wars is a nihilist.” Here, Marlowe may have a point.

On this interview: “If this is at all unflattering to me I will slit your f***ing throat.” Marlowe, one quickly learns, is full of empty threats.


One Comment so far. Leave a comment below.
  1. Morry,

    I like Marlowe! He is the MAN!!

Add Your Comments

Your email is never published nor shared.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <ol> <ul> <li> <strong>